census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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