McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
