If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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