My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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