lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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