after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
