The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
