you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
