I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
