she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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