What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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