i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
