id be glad to
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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