Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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