I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
