capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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