He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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