oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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