In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
