He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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