Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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