Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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