She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
