I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Enjoy the penises
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
