Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
