I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am mentally ready for anal.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
