it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
