Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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