That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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