as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
