i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
