i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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