3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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