We won't sleep together?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
there is glitter all over my balls
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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