Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
