you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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