It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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