Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We have started to decorate penises.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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