you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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