Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize