i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
