omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The air was thick with penises
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
third nipple confirmed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
