he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
