Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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