Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
