No stitches, just platelets and will power
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
