French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
