Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
