Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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