Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
