is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
