I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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