it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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