she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
