You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
