Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
